Cosoleenee vs BigAnthony: the triestin Taggio-Dance

Esce il primo articolo post Tre Volte Monon Behavior! Lo studio scientifico imperdibile che finalmente valuta i veri aspetti importanti dei candidati Sindaco.

COSOLEENEE VS BIGANTHONY: THE TRIESTIN TAGGIO-DANCE

sd preferirì el pdf, lo trovè qua.

DIEGO MANNA
Monon Behavior Research Department

Abstract
The second mandate of the triestin furlan sindac OfSquare is in scadenz. So, this year there are the important elections to decide who will be the new sindac of the most important city of the Universe. There were 10 candidates at the first turn, but now there are only two, and only one will be the winner, ciò. On 29 and 30 May the triestin mularia will vote for the Taggio-Dance between Cosoleenee and Biganthony. We analyzed scientifically which candidate could better represent the triestinity, to help people in this hard selection.

Key words: OfSquare, elections, Pisapia (xe colpa sua sto studio), camper, clanfe

Introduction
After ten years of administration, the fur­lan sindac Roby OfSquare is moling the carega. A propost for a third mandate was made, but they told him that nosepol.
As a last gift to the city of Triest, he promised that he would liberate the city from the Cambers. But Ciano de Ferneti is sure that OfSquare told “campers”, not “cambers”, and now he controls every day the parking of the quadrivie of Opcine, that is still full of campers. So Ciano is very rabiated with OfSquare and always says that in these 10 years OfSquare has become triestin inside, pomeegador, and that no xe più i furlani de una volta. And all the campers are still in the quadrivie of Opcine.
However, now the city of Triest is involved in a long and difficult electoral campaign to decide who will be the successor of OfSquare. There were a lot of candidates at the early beginning, but one of them moled the colp squasi subit: Flavian Tunelleight, that was indic­ated by a lot of people as the favoritissim.
Then, at the moment of the official can­didatures, they were 11. Praticament a team of balon (in fact Tunelleight was tentated to buy them to make a team to win the Champions League). The day after, the candidates remained in 10 be­cause none of them wanted to play as portier (pronunce: pòrtier).
And so, after months of electoral cam­paign, the first turn of the elections ar­rived. In this turn the seguent candidates were eliminated, principalment for the bad choices in the name of their partits:

Ardorr (vedemo chi la capissi…gugle-tradutor podessi iutar): the name “La Tua Trieste” confonded Siora Jole and her high RGF (Ranzidume Growth Factor) friends, who thought: “si ma cossa po’, dopo co i sarà al comun e te ghe chiederà qualcossa sicuro i te dirà: eh no, xe la tua Trieste, miga nostra, ti te ga de far, no noi! Ve gavevimo pur dito!”

Bandellee: many old maranteegas read “Un’altra Trieste” and asked themselves “Ma come un’altra? No xe de votar per questa Trieste? Quei altri disi “la tua”, questi disi “un’altra”…no se capissi più niente. Cossa za i vol cambiar tuto? Sicuro dopo i me sposta la fermata dela 8 diese metri più in zo e i meti là el botin dele scovaze che dopo no rivo più por­tarle. Remengo!”.

Fedline: a lot of persons read “Lega Nerd”, and did not vote for him thinking he his a sort of patock Bill Gates.

Lessess (impegnativa anche questa): the sym­bol with the five stars badly scontrated with the istrian spinazzing attitude of the triestins. “5 stele? Stemo scherzando? Mi vado nel primo zimmer scrauso che trovo dei, sa cossa costa un 5 stele???”

Luck Dreds: unlucky name. Many veciones were fermament contrary to the metropolitane city: “cossa mai cità metro­politana, no podemo restar qua suso a ciapar sol??? Xe pien de pantigane so­totera ostia, che vadi lui in metropolitana! Mi ciapo el tranvai.”

Major: the name of the candidate, so similar to “Mayor”, was perfectly chosen. However, the name of the partit was a big fail. Triestegiovane. Giovane. In Triest? Nosepol. All the vecionis were really infastidite by this name. “Cossa po’. Una volta te verzevi la finestra e te sentivi cantar. E iera miseria. Niente, gavevimo, ma savevimo goderselo. Desso i giovani no canta più, xe solo boni de fumar spinei e drogarse. E se per caso i canta, xe musica apolide. E no xe gnanca più tuta la campagna che iera. Un poca de guera ghe volessi, che i impari un poca de creanza, cossa mai Triestegiova­ne: Triestesestavameocosestavape­zo!”

TheAulicWhite (questa xe la mia preferita, astrusa assai): probably the most unlucky of all. The old insempiated triestins scambiated “FLI” with “FLIT”, and im­mediately thought about the famous canzonet “copa la vecia col flit”. So, TheAulicWhite ciapated only few votes, and now there is adiritur a comitate of rabiated vecionis who want to onzer him of sazie lignades.

Saswhen: particolar case. It was all ok, but the Udc partit chose the wrong Saswhen (Edward). To have some chances of victory they would have chosen Roby Saswhen, for the secret reason that now we will explain, here de sott.

The secret reason is called “The secret of the Robies” and is very easy: for a strange mystic strolighez, probably made by Roby Ofsquare, the sindac of 2011 must be called “Roby”. In fact, who are the two last candidates? Roby Cosoleenee and Roby Biganthony. So, in reality all the other candidates were yet fregated in partenz.

Bon, now that we have reconstructed the long way to the Taggio-Dance (fig. MikeJake), we will help the citizens of Triest to make the final choice, analyzing scientifically which candidate between Cosoleenee and BigAnthony could better represent the city.

Material and Methods
To better study the candidates, we searched for their programs in internet. Both programs have 22 pages.
Cosoleenee also has a vademecum etico of 3 adjunctive pages.
We stampated them and read them at Barcoglia Pineta. However, after all the long lecture, we noticed that both the candidates have forgotten some of the most important points that are necessary for a coscienzious choice by triestins. We focused our study on these points.

Result & Discussion, all together dei
Here is the list of the fundamental things that we evaluated, with the points assigned to each candidate:

-Inglesisms: the english version of the names (Manna, 2009)
The name “BigAnthony” is surely more comic than “Cosoleenee”. We tried to translate Cosolini with “ThingLinens” or with “ThingThereYesAndNo” or with “ThingLittleThere”, but they are too abstruse and nobody would capir.
Point assigned: Biganthony 23 – Cosoleenee 2

-Syllables shiftings (Manna, 2009)
Both are called Roberto, that becomes Bertoro.
Cosolini is favorite by the perfect alternation consonants-vocals, so he can become Solinico, Linicoso and Nicosoli.
Antonione can become Neantonio, Tonionean and Nioneanto, that are not so satisfying.
Winner: Bertoro Nicosoli.
Point assigned: Cosoleenee 23 – Biganthony 2

-Essedolcing (Manna, 2009)
BigAnthony is immune to essedolcing, Cosoleenee can easily become Coxoleenee.
Point Assigned: BigAnthony 23 – Cosoleenee 2

-Physical appearance
Cosoleenee is nearly a giant. So, if he makes some monadas, he will be not able to scond himself and the population will ciapar him immediately.
BigAnthony instead could easily run away, as shown this Sunday on the TGR in Cavana (after soning a lot of cam­panels de sconton, some say).
From the citizens point of view, it is better to have a sindac easily ciapable.
Point assigned: Cosoleenee 23 – BigAnthony 2

-Volentiering (Manna, 2009)
BigAnthony made a video in which he was a camerier. He was not properly a commess, but it is a good beginning.
However, in the video he didn’t answer “volentieri” to the fastidious client, but surely he had thought it. Very good.
Point assigned: BigAnthony 23 – Cosoleenee 2

-Cabala
The famous numbers “23 A 2”, shown in a Pdl manifest, for some people were a clear riferiment to BigAnthony, represen­ted by the number 2, the loser.
Analyzing the results of the first turn, BigAnthony ciapated the 27% of the preferenz, so, to reach the 50%, he needs exactly the 23%.
Furthermore, his personal list, the Lista BigAnthony, ciapated the 2%.
And, attention attention, Cosoleenee ciapated the 40%, but how much have ciapated the PD, the principal partit that sustains Cosoleenee? 23%.
So the Pdl prophecy seems to be azzeccated and the cabala is against BigAnthony. Insoma, i ghe la ga ciamada.
Point assigned: Cosoleenee 23 – BigAnthony 2

At the end of this analysis, the results was BigAnthony 75 – Cosoleenee 75.
So a last important test was necessary. The most important. The Clanfa Test.
Bon, we began again from 0-0.
We posted on the facebook pages of the candidates this question (per bon! Se no credè andè controlar, data 20.5.2011, ore circumcirca 15 :)):
“Caro Candidato, una domanda sta particolarmente a cuore al popolo dei clanfadori triestini: te sa tirar clanfe? E una seconda, un test de triestinità: meo bater broche o bater otavi?”
Both kindly answered the same day. Here there are the answers:
Cosoleenee: “Le mie clanfe rasenta la perfezion e meio otavi”;
BigAnthony: “Parto co la prima. Ogi come ogi no son sicuro alenà…ma co iero giovine….”.

Obviously the correct answer to the second question was “bater otavi”, possibly in osmiza, possibly when it is not too cold so you don’t batt also brocks. So Cosoleenee answered in the right way, while BigAnthony didn’t answered and took an “impreparato” or a “me son dimenticà la seconda parte”.
About the clanfa, Cosoleenee declared that he can perform it, while BigAnthony needs some alenament.
So, the point assigned are: Cosoleenee 23 – BigAnthony 2, and this is the final result.

Conclusion
After our approfondited scientific analys­is, the candidate that can represent better the triestinity is Cosoleenee, that declare himself able to perform the clanfa.
The final result of our study is Cosoleenee – BigAnthony 23 A 2.
However, Cosoleenee will not sugarsela so easy. The declaration must be obvi­ously proved. So, if he will become sindac, we want the video of the clanfa. Indifferent if at Barcola or alone, when there is nobody watching, in a place in sconton or in the dark…we want the video with the declared “clanfa rasenting the perfection”!

Acknowledgements
We thanks both candidates for the rapid answer to our question in facebook. The fact that every citizen can speak with the candidates directly is a very good thing.
W internet. And W cabernet, anca.

References
Burlasconi S. 2011. Se vinzi Pisapia, Rosy Bindi diventerà nipote de Mubarak Obama Bin Laden. Boonga Boonga ediction.
Manna D. 2009. Triestin language endemisms. Monon behavior Vol. 69 No. 90: 9-12. Bianca&Volta edizioni.
Si, so, manca la reference de Burlasconi nel testo. Ma meter una citazion de Burlasconi xe un must, dei! Anche se i disi che se vinzi Pisapia no se poderà più meter citazioni de Burlasconi! 😛

We strongly support that all triestin mulones express their opinion and go to votar on 29-30 Maj. Dei, go to votar. And then Barcoglia.

And also on 12-13 June, go to votar for the four referendums, dei. And then Barcoglia, obviously!

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Hai scritto qualcosa (o fatto foto, o video, o pupoli…) di divertente/ironico/satirico su Trieste, Gorizia e dintorni? Mandacelo al Quel dela Quela! Scrivi a manna@bora.la