31 marzo 2012

The Val Rosandra evil plan

Eco, uno sfogo malinconico silenzioso (quindi no va leto a vose alta)
🙁
Domani xe la manifestazion ale 12. Xe prevista ‘ssai gente, mi me piasessi che la sia tranquila e rispetosa dei tempi e dei silenzi dela natura nele vicinanze dela Riserva. No tamburi e no piantine da casa.

 

The Val Rosandra evil plan

DIEGO MANNA
Monon Behavior Research Department

Abstract
On 24 March 2012 the Val Rosandra Natural Reserve has been spelachiated by a too much zelant brivez while neting the river. A lot of trees have been tirated down. Now, a lot of porconis are being tirated down by ecologists and people, that are asking themselves the reasons of this excessive action. We analyzed all the hypothesis and finally found the real evil hidden plan.

Key words: gas intestinal, tav, ailanto, alien, lanfur

Introduction
On 24 March 2012, the region Friul Venice Julie began an important series of netaments of the regional rivers. Most of the rivers were obviously in the Friul, like the Meduna or the Isonzo, that is the confin between Friul and Venice Julie. However, for par condicio, the region decided that also a triestin river was to be netated. Some proposed the Timavo, but they answered that it’s sconted under the ground so it’s difficult to netar it. Some proposed the Rio Ospo, but they answered that they don’t want to go to Brazil. At the end the selected river was the Rosandra.
Some told them that Val Rosandra is a Natural Reserve, but they answered that there are no problem, if they will be in reserve, they will go to make benza in jugo that is vizin and cost less.
Some told them that Val Rosandra is a SIC, but they answered that there are no problem, SIC means SIChesepol, in contrast with the typical triestin Nosepol.
Some told them that Val Rosandra is a ZPS, but they answered “E che coioni!”, and said that there are no problem because ZPS means Zona de Potatura Strong (Grignani, 1997).
During the operations, the brivezs were a little too imborezated and cut the Val Rosandra at scartazet (Fig. brivez). A lot of big and important trees like piopps, ontans and saleecees were tirated down with a great damage for the natural equilibrium of the Reserve. Also, this was made in a season very important for the reproduction of a lot of animalets of the Reserve, like usels and ampheebios (Vera, 2003). So now ecologists, “ambientalists of salott” (Cereeanee, 2012) and people in general are really incazated black and, between a porcon and another, want to know the reason of this spelachiament, that an Ordinary Professor of Botanic (i.e. with a personal ambientalist salott in the University of Triest) defined ambiental disaster (Nimis, 2012).

Fig. Brivez: Val Rosandra and the infinite sadness. Photo by Dario Gasparo

Material and methods
To understand what’s happened, we use the first person scoionament reading method, a variant of the solit first person scoionament sampling method (Manna, 2009), that consist in reading a lot of things about Val Rosandra and then drinking a spritz to dimenticar the sadness of the spelachiated Reserve and then ligar yourself on the trees to boicottate future brivez actions.

Result and discussion
We analyzed different hypothesis to explain the new scartazet look of Val Rosandra:

The furlan plan
As the assessor of ambient responsible of the operations, Ceereeanee, is furlan, a corrent of pensier thinks that this is the first phase of an evil lanfur plan to conquer Triest. The second phase will be to plant panoces in Val Rosandra. Panoces OGM, with the anti-triestin gene inplanted, that will trasform all the triestins in people who love work. Panic.

The TAV plan
Another corrent of pensier is convinted that this disboscament is the first step for the realization of the TAV. Infact, as in Val di Susa there are still great problems, they have decided to build the TAV here because in this way they will recycle all the cartels that were za pront. They will only scanzielate “di Susa” and write “Rosandra”, with a great risparm of bori.

The conspiration plan
Some believe that this is part of a biggest conspiratory plan in which there are involved aliens, chimic scies, 2012, the murders of JFK, Sauron, Tito and also the most terrible one: Quel mona che bate la porta (e chiude urlando) (BigFlies, 2012).

The vecionis plan
There are some interceptations of dialogues between vecionis that contain allarmant indizs. In particular, the vecionis exclaim a lot of time “una volta qua iera tuta campagna” and “no xe più la bora de una volta”. Furthermore, the vecionis individuated in the trees the cause of the rallentament of the bora. So, to ristabilir the conditions of the tempi andai co se stava meo co se stava pezo, the vecionis have a great enemy: the trees.

The ailanto plan
This is a very interesting and realistic theory. The ailanto is an infesting tree with great capacity of diffusing itself. One of its best strategy is to take mental control of humans and obligate them to plant other ailanti in all the world. This human state of mind is called “il morbo di ailo” and it’s very easy to recognize it, because the human with the “morbo di ailo” exclaim a lot of times during the day the word “Ailo!”. It is evident that in Triest all the population have the morbo di ailo and are controlled by the ailanti. The second part of the ailanto plan is, obviously, to plant a lot of ailanti in Val Rosandra. Ailo!

The grigliata de pasqueta plan
Some people think that the above hypothesis are too complex and that all is instead very simple. This year there will be a great grigliata de pasqueta in Val Rosandra, and there were too many trees that were making ombre. Now there will be more sun and also it will be easier to ciapate some animals for the grigliate.

The Gas Intestinal Plan
The last current of pensier thinks that this is the secret evil plan of Gas Intestinal to make its rigassificator without other rompiments of balls from triestins and ambientalists of salott.
The rigassificator will be built in Val Rosandra and will use the water of the Rosandra river, so no one will scassar the maroons for the sea ecosystem. Another ambiental problem was the use of the cloro in the stabiliment. Nema problema: the water with the cloro coming out from the rigassificator will be put in a giant piscine, so all the triestin citizens will be happy for their new balnear stabiliment, in the middle of a Natural Reserve. Figada. Also, as the freshwater has a inferior density of the marine water, it will be easier to schizzar higher while clanfing and the future Clanfa Olympiads will be organized here.
Some solit disfattists may say that the gasier ships will not rivar there. Gas Intestinal has yet thought about this, and will scavate the Rio Ospo in order to let it reach Val Rosandra.
As these are very smart considerations, at least as smart as the plan of building it in the Zaule ploc, we think that this is the correct explanation of the Val Rosandra scartazet new look.

Conclusion
There are many hypothesis for the spelachiament of Val Rosandra, but we think that the most credible is that it is the first step of the construction of the Gas Intestinal rigassificator here. However, also the ailanto plan is really a convincent theory. Ailo!

Acknowledgements
We are sad for what’s happened in Val Rosandra and we hope that in future these operations ask the parer of the ambientalists of salott that study these ecosystems from a life. We will thanks all people who will manifestate their empathy for nature without making casin in the Reserve and without planting plants in the Reserve, that is a tacon worst of the buso.

References
BigFlies G. 2012. Se venite avanti ancora vi dò un pugno. Gaetano 12: 3-5
Ceereeanee L. 2012. Ambientalisti da salotto. Ed. Canapè
Grignani G. 1997. Ti raserò l’aiuola. Un disco de Grignani che desso no me ricordo dei.
Manna D. 2009. Miramare-Opicina: a preliminary study on the best bicycle way. Monon behavior Vol. 69 No. 90: 9-12. Bianca&Volta edizioni.
Nimis P.L. 2012. L’intervento effettuato in Val Rosandra si configura come un vero e proprio disastro ambientale. Facebook note
Vera P. 2003. Primavera e usei nele zone umide. Wetlands kamasutra 23: 2-5.

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20 commenti a The Val Rosandra evil plan

  1. bonalama

    FIG on!!!!!

  2. Fiora

    Oh Diego, el tuo sì che xe un tajo…de cronaca come che dio comanda! Altro che quela necropoli arborea come che i ga ridoto ValRosandra! 🙁
    Ah! xè come che digo mi . I ne porta via tuto… Chi cussì? TUTI, PO’!

  3. Paul Tout

    First it is sure that the brivezed area will be colognised by the ailants before the ontans and piopps can reprend themselves. I also believe the peoples in blue and yellow who cutted the trees were really IKEA clones from Villesse and as we speak the piopps, ontans and noces are being transformed into furnitures by busy lanfurs for their secret Triangle of the Chair base beneath the rotonda of Manzàn

  4. Fiora

    @3Ah cussì la xè?!boicotar le careghe lanfur ‘lora! che le ghe resti tute in colo…’ntel daùr anzi!

  5. aldo

    Ma insoma, una volta tanto che su una roba colabora tuti:

    – destra (giunta regionale FVG) e sinistra (giunta comunale de Dolina)

    – omini (asesor regionale) e donne (sindachessa)

    – italiani (lanfur) e sloveni (dolinensi)

    anche sta volta sti triestini che se lamenta sempre ga de tirar fora el pel ne l’ovo (l’albero nela valle)

    e po’ soto l’A iera sti alberi? No! E alora no xe alberi patochi. Come i xe rivadi qua? coi ‘taliani, i titini, i esuli?

  6. aldo

    “References…Un disco de Grignani che desso no me ricordo dei”

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QvFB3VOGc6s

  7. Fiora

    No volesi girar, anzi GIRARME el cortel ‘ntela piaga ma me par che per parte Giuliana ultimamente i magiorenti no sia tanto per la quale in fato de alberi.
    Se gaveva zà ‘vu avisaglia sto ultimo Nadal… prima i sconza un albero Sapadin scopo trasporto. Po’,i fa pezo el tacòn ch’el buso… Ah questo no vi piace come che è venuto, cari cidini? deto fato ‘lora! Lo butiamo via e cioliamo un altro a Sesto… Cossa mai! No abiamo Madre Natura gnanca pel.. importante che no brontoliate più e zac, un altro gigante ch’el iera là ‘ssai prima ch’l Sindaco se sognasi de far sindaco e anche che mama&papà del Sindaco se sognassi de far fioi cussì grandi,grossi e “sensibili” 🙁

  8. Fiora

    e ‘desso per tentar de refarla almeno un minimo se no altro visivamente e moralmente, per tuta Valrosandra come anca el Nadal che vien per tute le piaze citadine , impignir de alberi…
    DE PLASTICA!

  9. @3
    grande! ahahahah coss’che me brusa no gaverla pensada mi! 😀 😀 😀

    alora zonto el

    pesce d’aprile plan
    In realtà xe tuto un viz, e ogi ala manifestazion Ceereeanee tira fora i alberi e li riataca e se fa 1000 ridade 😉

  10. Fiora

    @9 eco là e quest’imediateza nel coglier l’atimo contradistingui la genialità de SuperDiego …Come che diseva el personagio- vose narrante a proposito de de un altro personagio de “Amici Miei” .

  11. paola

    Diegooo! Questo tuo mitico stile fa pianzer e rider insieme! Spero tanto che no gaveremo più bisogno de risentirlo…

  12. Fiora

    @11 xè un complimento? una critica? chiedo a sta sibila de noialtri de eser un poco meno criptica de quela original ” ibis redibis numquam morieriris in bello” che a seconda de ‘ndove che la petava la virgoleta cambiava tuto el senso dela profezia…

  13. Fiora

    Legasi “MORIERIS” forte latinista, debole datilografa , mi!

  14. sfsn

    Proposta (che passo al wwf o a qualsiasi associazion ambientalista che la fazi propria):
    ogni triestin vegni in val rosandra con un albero del stesso tipo de quei taiai e lo ripianti. Nel giro de una decina de anni (se no i fa de novo l’operazione napalm) gaveremo de novo el nostro bel boscheto intorno al fiume.

  15. tutto xe scominzia quanto el mato che lavora con la cirio el se ga inaccorto che la venezia giulia gaveva più’ alberi della furlania. Sii perche la’ che piazi gaver tutto neto, no veder un albero la’ e uno dell’altra parte. ghe piasi gaver la visuale pulita dalla laguna fino alle prealpi (sempre prealpi lanfurl). Perchè?? ma ciaro perche perche sino noi pol costruir le case cola montagneta che tutti quandi i le pol veder. e poi el lanfurl lavora sempre abche la domenica prima el taia tutti i alberi della pianura, dopo el ga costrui’ le montagnete e adesso el mato de la cirio non saveva più cosa darghe de far ai altri. E allora con guglis mapis el ga visto che iera un casin de alberi vicin a Trieste che scondeva poi una serie de brutte bestie veleneso. Rospi, ragnele, useletti brutti e pici e che i zigava fazendo cip cip cip per camar la mama. E dopo el ga anche visto che la se una riserva e siccome lui proteggi la gente el ga manda zo’ una squadra per metter a posto le robe per taiar sti lontani che adesso i xe sai più vicini, e pe riportar la valle rosandra alla biodiversità della pianura lanfurl. Cioè zero specie invasive come le querce, ontani, pioppi, salici. Ciò mi proprio non capiso perchè ghe dà cusi’ fastidio i alberi. Mmmmhhh orse go capì forse i vol pantar pomodori in valle. secondo mi noi ciapa.

  16. Fiora

    @14 SI’!

  17. Paola

    @12: yes Fiora, iera un complimento. Speremo de no gaver tante occasioni in cui ghe sarà bisogno de pianzer e de cantar in comic blues style col conforto de Diegòn…

  18. erika

    me ga piasso!!

  19. Fiora

    e quando in Valrosandra
    xè rivado el sior Ciriani
    el ga fato solo dani…

  20. Cinzia

    … iera gobi anche i ontani…

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