21 Gennaio 2013

The strange case of Kurt Bridge

Eco, portemo un poco de san rigor scientifico sula question del Ponte NON Curto 🙂

The strange case of Kurt Bridge

DIEGO MANNA
Monon Behavior Research Department

Abstract
On january 2012 the city of Triest had another big bad rogne: some people told that the small new bridge in Redbridge is too curt. Even if this is not true, the solit scagazz has come out, so we tried to resolve this case one time for all ciò.

Key words: redbridge, bailey, molo audace pissing challenges, spudonee, zum teufel

Introduction
Triest is a city very famous in the rest of Italy for a lot of monades, but also for its high tradiction of architectonic figades. For example, in Condoms Square there is the most invidiated futuristic obelisque of the world, that is called by the population, very affettuosament, Porta-CD. It’s the fist monument of the Universe dedicated to the CD, so it’s very important and a lot of turists come every year to see it and a lot of dogs are proud of making a big pissada on it. However, time had change and now no one ga more pel cool the CD, everybody use that stupid USB ciavett or the MP3 reader, so there is a comitate that is ingruming signatures to pull down the Porta-CD and to make a giant USB ciavett instead of it. But there is also the anticomitate that says that nosepol and finally the comitate that says that, in order to respect the tradiction of the city, the USB ciavett must have the shape of a two headed chicken.
Another architectonic figada for which Triest is famous is the Trento-Trieste bridge, the longest bridge of the world, built because triestins wanted to go directly to the mountains without encountering their evil neighbours, the furlans.
To confirm this tradiction of bridges, the city of Triest decided to build a new bridge. Some wanted a bridge from Barcola to Oberdan Square, in order to go to the sea without nusing the sudade scaions of the muleti in the 6 or 36 bus. Some wanted a bridge to go to osmiza to drink, in order to evitate the ethilometer. Some wanted a bridge to go to remengo, but they didn’t know where remengo was, so this propost was cassate subit as a cassate.
At the end of all the pupols, the population decided that the most useful bridge was a new bridge in Redsquare, near the old bridge, so everybody will pass the canal sparagnanding adiritur 50 meters of massacrant cameenada.
However, when the bridge was pozated, some people said that it was curt (Kobein, 1994). So the legend of the Curt Bridge was born and in few days it became famous in all Italy. A group of mulones decided to zuccate the canal in order to strenzer it, and there was also the intervent of one of the most important philosoper of our times, the mago Casanova. However, the sindac Cosoleenee became tired of all these vizones and said that the bridge is not curt, and that if someone will say that it is curt, it will be longhee for him.
The aim of this article is to put the final word on the dimension of the bridge, ostia.

Material and methods
To evaluate the dimension of the bridge we used the most precise units of measure of the scientific community: the PUI (Pissada Under Imbalinade) and the GDS (Gara De Spudoni), that consist in going in qualsiasi baret of the zone, impigninding your vescic of spritz and then pissing from the border of the canal to take the measure of the PUI and spitting to take the GDS. We also make a research of the construction methods used for the bridge, to see if they did it with a little of what that is called.

Result and discussion
First of all, we noticed that the construction of the bridge was preceduted, years ago, by the pose of a provisory small bridge, called Bailey Bridge (Fig. Bailey).

It was cavated because the old petesones, instead of passing the bridge, used to drink the bailey and then they capotated themselves in the water, morinding. So it was very dangerous for the population demography. However, this bridge was perfectly long, so it’s a prove in favor of the correttezz of the new bridge, following the famous Third Law of Siora Jole: “se iera za un che andava ben, saria de mone che questo no vadi ben, dei!”.
The measuration of the canal based on the PUI gave a result of 5 spritz-sburting, that means that to piss that distance you need the vescic full of 5 spritz and you must sburt, because it’s lontan. We weren’t able to measure the GDS, because in the zone it was impossible to find some scataraciousis vecionis, that are the most accurate and precise performers of this type of measurement.
However, cucanding in the IKEA catalogue where the bridge was comprated, the dichiarated measure is exactly 5 spritz-sburting, so the bridge is perfect and don’t scassate the maroons, dei.

Conclusion
The new bridge of Redbridge is not curt. However, we propose to call it Curt Bridge lo stess, because it makes laugh. Or at least Kurt Bridge. ANd we will eat all the fish of the canal, ’cause they don’t have any feelings.
Also, we need to be fully finanziated with milionazzees of euri, in order to capir who was the first persone to say that the bridge was curt, scadenanding all this casin. Some lofiones think that he was the misterious Giulio, that is riempinding the city with all his manifests. In these manifests there is the subliminal message that the bridge is curt, they say. So we need to find who’s Giulio. Some say that he’s the camel, some say that he’s the cunic’, some say that he’s Andreotti. But nobody knows ciò! Zum Teufel!

Acknowledgements
We thank who will not querelate us 🙂
P.S. The bridge is not Kurt! Maybe just happy!

References
Kobein C. 1994. Something in the way. Nevermind.

Hai scritto qualcosa (o fatto foto, o video, o pupoli…) di divertente/ironico/satirico su Trieste, Gorizia e dintorni? Mandacelo al Quel dela Quela! Scrivi a manna@bora.la

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